Another day...

I'm on a 60 day leave of absence from school...not a forced one, but a mutually agreed upon one between me and my academic team and my parents. With this upcoming surgery, it was felt that I should take the time off to recover and not have to worry about trying to complete school work while being all hopped up on pain meds. In my heart, I know this in the irght decision. Unfortunately, my mind is not seeing things the same way. The wires between the heart and mind are not connected. It seems that something has chewed through the wires and the mind is thinking one thing while the heart knows this is the right decision. My mind is telling me that by the end of the 60 days, I will not want to go back to school. I really hope this is not the case because I have worked to hard to come this far to just give up now. I am really struggling with all of these emotions. I have called someone from the Student Work-Life Program and am waiting for someone to call and speak to me...so here I sit and wait. I have two more weeks to go until surgery. Have I made the right decision to have suregery? I'm in constant pain and the4y have doubled my pain meds until surgery-so I think that surgery is my last option. everything else has been tried. The binder didn't work! Everything else they have tried didn't work, so surgery is all we have left. I just wish I didn't have to wait four weeks to have it done. I am so uncomfortable! I'm snapping at everyone, and Mark is not happy with the doctors at this point. He does not like being the target of all this anger. I do not mean to make him the target, but... Scruffi andf Taffy don't even come near me at this point. They just look at me and turn away when I get to yelling! I can't even get out of bed half the time, let alone lift my head off the pillow! Thank goodness Mark is helping with the children! He does so good with them. He makes their lunches and plays with them. They all love him so much. He really is a good babysitter! He is a wonderful husband and I am very lucky to have him in my life! Things have to start getting better--they just HAVE to!